Rest and Peace

I am too exhausted right now to get too much into my appt. I am asking for lots of prayers. I need you to be believe and while I am resting and praying for peace. I would love to hear from you through scripture. Scripture of healing. I need to be surrounded by strong support. I am asking for help to get me through while I am down. As I am weak. Please pray for me to be completely healed. I believe this can happen, I know this can happen and I need for this to happen. Continue to praise Him for the healing that He has given me so far. Thanks so much for all you support. Until tomorrow...

Cindy
fighting like a girl

Very confused

Here is the poem Alexa wrote me 2 days ago:
The Mom BC Poem

I see you there so scared and frighted. I want to see you smile with light instead of the fright I see in your eyes. I want to scream to heaven for you. But all I need is pray and believe in my heart you will be fine. I know right now you need a hug but I think that I will wait for you to heal. I know this poem does not rhyme but that doesn't matter. This came right from my heart and to heaven it will go too I know. I love you!

Mommy, God will help you if you BELIEVE. Heart of Christ! Love Alexa

It meant the world to me:)

Today one of my friends told me that I need to give my results without doubt. So I am going to give this a shot. My results today were that the primary cancer in my breast was completely gone and the lymph nodes that were removed were positive for cancer. So the removed 14 and 11 of them had cancer. It is confusing for me to understand. As I am typing it is coming out very slow. Lord continue to heal me and I am praising you for the primary being gone. I have a bunch of questions for my Dr tomorrow. Please continue to pray for me. I will update tomorrow on what I find out. Next week I have another appt with the breast surgeon and an appt with where my radiation will take place.

Love you all
Cindy

I am home

Just wanted you to know that I am home. I did not want you to worry. I need to gather my thoughts and rest awhile. I will post later. Thanks for all of your praying.

Cindy

Day 8 RESULTS tomorrow-cancer please be gone

Tomorrow is my dr appt. How am I feeling? Well I am very nervous. I thought a lot about it. Of course when you do not know anything your mind leaves you alone. On the other hand when you have results your mind makes you feel and think everything. Boy has my live changed so much. I wonder if I will ever feel the same. Will I ever feel peace? When I think about this it is disappointing. I went from a happy soldiers wife with three great kids and lots of family and friends in a simple life to a scared, nervous confused girl with a very busy life. I do believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it just takes patience while figuring out where you go from here.

Tomorrow are my results! Am I cancer free? Is there anything positive? Oh Lord I want this so much. I want it so bad. I am praying for a miracle. I am praying hard. Please allow me to continue to serve you. Please join with me tonight.

Love you all
Cindy
fighting like a girl

I would like to share a poem from Alexa-be back in a bit

Day 6-details from my surgery

Ok today is the 6th day. You all are getting to know me pretty good. So I do not like taking medicine. Specially strong pain medicine. I take one or two a day. I have these crazy looking drains. Thank goodness my Mom is here. I might be 38 but I like having a Mom that is a nurse and still thinks I am a baby:) She has been emptying them for me. I am still bandaged up and tightly I might add. So I have not seen myself yet. Am I ready?? Not sure??

I would like to back up a little: Wed morning. Blog friends I was so scared that morning. I prayed non-stop. When they called me back. They asked me to take my clothes off and put on these tight stocking and gown. I was like greeeeeat! Stocking so I would not get any clots. Of course nurse #1 could not get an IV on me:( They were sweet though. Can you believe they give your family a blinking pager like you are at Outback LOL. After they got me ready I hear Ms. Summers we cant find your family?? We have paged them 2 times. I was laughing in my head because I figured Mike and my Mom probably thought they could not see again. So they called them on the cell phone. Anyway here comes Mike. I thought well this is my chance to give him one last hard time before I go into surgery (trying not to cry) Where were you?? I am the only one without there fam. I guess you were went to Dennys! I was totally kidding. They both kissed me bye. The transporter to the next holding area was sent from God. She was this tiny older lady who kinda looked scary? One eye sorta shut. Prayed for me the whole long, cold stroll down those hallways. I cried the whole way. I was praying Lord please let me wake up. Please be with me and please heal me. When she got me to where I was she said In Jesus name. Trust Him. I love her. So nurse #2 no IV. By now I am like yuck. She tried again and finally it was a go. Three sticks for this poor chick. She stepped out for a moment. Dr H came in. Now I am starring at him hard looking to see if I see a white angel above his head. He says ok here is the yucky part. He stuck a shot in my breast and moves it around. They most pain I think I have felt since all of this came about. He leaves nurse comes in and says I am going to give you something so you can relax and you may not even remember anything after this. The doctor is going to come in and give you a shot. I said UMMM I just got a shot?? She was like already? I cant believe he gave it to you without anything. Girls I must be a tuff Mamma cuz I thought if i can do that then I can get through this surgery. So I do not remember anything after that until I woke up. Mike and Mom said that they were brought in to see me because I was teary eyed and scared. They said I talked to them and the drs but I do not remember. Mom said she thought that I messed up and that I would not remember. When I woke up I was in recovery. Nurse #3 was worried about me because my heart rate was 150 and moving. So from 1245 until 3 they did not get to see me. Now you all dont know Mike yet but he was about bust the doors down. He loves this little chick. I know this is long but I have a reason. The over all staff was good to me up to this point. I want to thank God for taking good care of me. I remember being so happy to be ALIVE. Off to my room. Nurse#4 he was very good to me. Ms. Summers I have lots of good drugs for you today. Just ask. You can have 4mg of morphine every 4 hrs. Oh my I think I will just take 2 thank you sir! He was great. Nurse #5 you would have thought I was being pranked. She came in to check me and the bed got stuck and every time she pushed the button the bed got worse. By the time I decided I am getting off this bed before I die she had my legs higher then my head. I looked like a hot dog stuck in a bun. Here I am "Mom can you take me to the bathroom"? So while I was in there I told her get me a new bed please maybe a new nurse while you are at it:) When we got out she had rest it. Thank goodness. While she was leaving she knocked over the blood pressure stand and everything went flying. You had to be there. She was good to me. So there ya go. I hope you enjoyed my journey through surgery.

Now I am just letting my body heal and getting ready for Thurs. Please pray for a cancer free report. Doctor could not find the clip or primary cancer in the breast. So I hope that path reports backs it up.

Tonight I would like you give Praise to God for getting me to this point. I would like to thank all of you for praying for me.

Til tomorrow
Cindy
fighting like a girl and loving tank tops(they hold the drains so nice)

First full day home

Hey everyone-I am hanging in there. The surgery seem to go fine. I am still on meds so I am a little off. I am sore and a little swollen. I have a fat lip?? I hope I did not make anyone mad:) I guess when they take the breathing tube out they must have hit me. Oh well.

My Mom and Mike (thank goodness for that) are helping me with my drains. They are interesting. I look like someone that is about to bomb a bank. I will update you more as I feel better. My main reason for blogging is to thank everyone for praying for me.

Results on Thurs! The next big hurtle

Love ya
Cindy
fighting like a girl

Cindys Status

Mike Here,
Cindy had a boring day today! She has just layed around on the sofa and relaxed... The meds are taking care of her pain and discomfort. Shes in good spirits and looking forward to being a little more mobile... She cant use her arms much more than to eat, brush teeth etc. Her mother is taking great care of her too!(shes a nurse) ..... I want to thank you again for being such a great group of friends to Cindy. Im hitting the hay, long couple of days! Take care!

Mike

In the Hospital

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to say hi before I get more pain meds. Thanks for praying for me. I am sore but hanging in there. Please continue to pray.


Fighting like a girl
Cindy

Cindys Status

Cindys Surgeon said the surgery went as planned and no complications! She has been in a private room for about 90 minutes now and is resting(pain meds). She is doing ok and I should be bringing her home sometime thursday. Her mom will stay with her tonight and I will go home with the kids. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers! Shes a fighter and the strongest person I know! I will update again thursday unless she ask me to add any details later tonight if time permits. thanks again!!!!

PRAY-POST IT EVERY WHERE:)

I have to be at the hospital at 8:30 and surgery is at 10:30. It is suppose to take 2 hrs. Not sure how long in recovery.

Pray that I am calm and relaxed. Pray for my doctor. Pray for my complete healing.

Mike will keep you updated on here and facebook as soon as he can. If you get a text or call please post it on your blog or facebook. I do not want anyone to be missed. Mike is probably going to be overwhelmed.

STILL BELIEVING AND STILL FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL

Love
Cindy

Brynley(friend),Alexa,Savannah and Madison being pulled by the mower

FUN IN THE SNOW

Mike and I having some fun outside!

Relaxing and thinking (Praising for getting this far)

Today I spent most of the day messing around in house while Mike took the girls out on a date. It was some much need time for them. I was going to talk to the girls today but I decided I would do it tomorrow. So I will update you on how they deal with our talk.

What am I worried about? What am I thinking? Today was a great day to just think about everything that I have been through since Aug. It all happened so fast. Well as I thought today I started to get a little nervous about the surgery. Why do we always worry about waking up? I don't know but that is the one thing that I keep worrying about. I am not really worried about the pain or getting use to being without a body part. It is so weird looking at the doctor/nurses and going to sleep and than waking up and it being done. My surgery is suppose to 2 hrs and my stay in the hospital is one night. They get you out fast! I am praying for a successful procedure. I am praying for the cancer to be gone before they get there. I am praying for a healthy recovery so I can continue to raise my beautiful girls.

I was wondering do you think God is sending the snow here tomorrow for a reason? Do you think it is a reminder that He is here and the beautiful white snow that is going to fall will keep me looking up to watch it fall?

Pray tomorrow that the girls will understand this is just another step in our journey that Mommy has to go through. I am looking forward to loving and snuggling them.

Pray that my Mom has a safe a trip tonight. I am lucky that she will be with me for a week. She is going to help me with my drains and whatever else comes along with this surgery. I am having a radical on the left and a mastectomy on the other. Sounds scary to me. Tonight I have to start taking a new medicine. I have to take it for 5 years. I am hoping I will do fine with it.

Thanks for all your comments, calls and facebook visits. I request please:) Mike will be updating my blog and checking my facebook. Encourage him and let him experience the power that I have experienced from all of you.

Pray Pray Pray
Cindy
fighting like a girl

Last weekend before surgery

What was I doing last night? I was at Alexa's last home game. I have been able to attend a lot of her games. It has been so much fun. Sending praises up:)


Calling all prayer warriors!!!
We are finally at the count down for my surgery. I can not believe that chemo is done. I know I keep saying it but it so wonderful to be done. Now it is time to get ready. I pray that my surgery is successful. I am praying for my body to be healed completely. Please pray for Dr. Habal.

More bracelet went out today. If you have not received yours please email me. I remailed 7 of them today.

I am going to spend this cold weekend inside getting my home ready. Thanks in advance for everyone that will be helping with the girls and my house.

Cindy
fighting like a girl

ps: I am going to enjoy the next few days of feeling normal

Standing in the gap

Yes today I want to thank you for standing in the gap. It has been amazing to think back at those days that I thought I could not move. Those days I was so poisoned that I don't even remember if I prayed. Those days I did not spend anytime with the girls because all I did was slept. You were there standing in the gap. You were lifting me up and staying strong for me. You were sending love to my girls. You continued to believe even when I began to fall. You have been there and I am thankful.

To my husband thank you for cooking, cleaning, taking care of the girls, working so hard for the Army,and for loving me. I know it must be so hard to be the Mom and the Dad. I LOVE YOU!

Today I had my EKG and chest x-ray. So now it is the count down for my surgery. so far everything is set for the 21st. I am feeling better. Still trying to kick the bronchitis. Great news thou all my counts are up and in the normal range! Happy girl here.

One week from today I am having a double mastectomy and lymph nodes removed on one side. So many questions. I will have my results on the 29th. I am going to need some major encouragement. Getting ready for part 2 of my journey.

Glad part one is almost over:)

Cindy

So glad no more chemo

I was just thinking how happy it is to say no more chemo. I feel pretty good this go around with the chemo. I just need to knock this bronchitis. So pray hard hard hard. I need to get better so I can get this cancer out (if there is anything left) I go on Wed to get my counts checked. I feel like they are up. I hope so:)

Alexa's appt went the same as last. It is strange. I am waiting to hear from her pediatrician and his take on it. Please keep her in your prayers.

This week I am trying to get everything done so when I have surgery my house will run smooth. We just put our home on craigslist and working hard on selling it. Please pray that our home will sell so Mike wont be away from us too long. The Army is moving him on the 9 of Feb.

The goal: Cancer Free and Home Sold- God you are in control


Sending Love
Cindy
fighting like a girl

Alexa

Quick prayer for Alexa's follow-up ultrasound this morning.

Thank you
Alexa's Mom (Cindy)

Feeling Better

Well I took a few days to think about what everyone said on my last post. I also thought about what 2 of my blog friends said that I talked to over the weekend. I realize that I am going to fall and be scared sometimes but I am ultimately going to have to give it to God. He is in control and when I lay my head down at night I need to Believe. Thank you for letting me journal. I knew when I started this I was not going to hide anything. I knew that I wanted to be true to my feeling. If I help one person who is suffering or needed direction it is worth it. Thank you for helping me find my way through the last few days. As I sat in church today and tears ran down my face I handed it over to God. I asked Him to heal me as He promised. I felt so much better when I walked out of those doors.

Thanks again for all the cards, calls and encouragement. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for reminding me to Praise Him everyday for getting me this far. I am thankful. As you pray for me please thank Him and give Him all the Glory.

I am feeling better. Still need to get rid of bronchitis so I can have my surgery.

Much Love
Cindy
FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL

Surgery Date Change

I am still feeling kinda a yucky but praying that I get better soon. I went to the breast surgeon today. It really stinks when you are starting to get excited and something knocks you down. When I saw the Dr he wanted to discuss the options of surgery. I knew all along what I wanted. My thought process was if I had a double mastectomy I would have a better chance of not getting cancer again. Well he told me that it really did not matter what I decided to do. That localized breast cancer is no problem. He felt confident that by touch I had a good response. The problem is the cancer showing up in the organs in the next 3 years. I was immediately depressed. I just want to be OK. It is so scary to think that this is part of my life that I will have to worry about all the time. So the rest of the day I had a hard time not crying. I am so mentally exhausted. I am so glad to done with chemo. I am so glad that it seems to have worked. So I am sorry that I seem so down but this can really mess with your mind. Thank you for letting me be open.

Surgery date is changed to the 21st. I go have a chest x-ray and my heart checked Wed. I guess all I can do is rest and get healthy.

Thank you for praying. Lord give me direction and strength. Keep me focused so I can beat this.

Cindy

Day 8-Ordered to Bed

Just got back from the Dr. She said my lungs do not sound too bad. She thinks I have bronchitis. So I received a z-pack. I did not realize they made in a one dose powder. My white counts were 0.8. So they are ordering me to bed for the day. My platelets are the lowest yet but she said they should come up in a week. Getting ready to drink a lot of water:)

Breast Surgeon appt tomorrow morning. Pray for him!

Pray for healing so I can drive on to my 16th surgery. Off to rest.

Love Cindy
Fighting hard

Day 6-specific prayer

This a real bummer. I am not feeling well right now. It seems that I have a lot of yuck in my lungs. It is worrying me a little. Will it delay my surgery? Is it something else? Please pray for my lungs to get clear and feel better. I go get my counts checked on Wed. I have made it this far and want more than anything to finish.

Thanks so much Edie for posting. Just in time when I need it the most. Thank you for praying. I will update you tomorrow on how I am doing. Sending love your way.

Alexa was so happy. Making more bracelets this weekend.

In His arms
Cindy

Day 5-So tired

I know everyone is starting the new year with a lot of exciting things. I look forward to reading your blogs. I have been so blessed by your friendships. I could not imagine getting through all 6 treatments without ARMY BRATS AND ME. It has been an amazing journey. The cards and stories that I heard were encouraging. Everyday was a struggle but I knew I could count on you all. Your commitment was motivating and I do not know how I will ever pay you back.

As I allow my body to gain strength I sit back and think about how lonely life would be without BELIEVING. It is so sweet to think back at my little girl placing that pink bracelet on my wrist the day I told her. I have learned so much in the last 4 months. Thank you for helping me see this world as the wonderful place that it is and thank you for not leaving me alone.

Lord I am giving you all the Glory for getting me through. I am Praising you for my upcoming surgery. I am expecting a Miracle. I want to dance and sing and be cancer free. Lord allow me to continue to serve you. Amen!

Wishing you all well
Cindy

Day 4

I am so tired but wanted to get on and let you know that I am fine. My body is sore but I am hanging in there.

Please pray for me to stay strong and healthy so I can continue with the next journey.

6treatments complete-give Him the Glory

Much love
Cindy

Day 2-No more day 2's!

Here is a picture of the blog ornaments that were sent to me. Thanks so much. I love them. I am tired but feeling ok. Continue to pray as I approach my next journey. Love you all and Happy New Year

Cindy