Feeling Bad

Just a quick request. I have not been feeling well today since this afternoon and it is scaring me. Please pray that I feel better. I am suppose to leave for Charlotte after my Dr apt but I am not sure that I will be able to. My head hurts so bad and I feel very off tonight.

Thanks for praying
Cindy

Happy Birthday Lee over at Prayergifts:)

Hmmmm Hmmmm Hmmmm waiting.....

Well I was waiting to hear from the Dr about when I start simulation before I blogged again. I still have not heard and they said that they would call me Mon or Tues. So of course "little miss bundle of nerves" yes that is me starts thinking maybe something is wrong with my ct scan. You know what I am going to pause and call them.....


OK here we go I have to run after them. So tomorrow at 9am I will get my final marking and go through simulation. Pray for me.

Alexa and I had a great time last week. I was glad the girls got home safely and we have been homeschooling hard this week already. If the weather warms up off to the park with the other Hschoolers in the area:)

Thinking we may hit Charlotte this weekend for quick hey before radiation. Then back on with the pink gloves. Boy I never thought I would be going through this. It was been a rough road but I am fighting hard. I will stop by and visit soon. Looks like a lot of fun things going around. Keep blogging!

Cindy
fighting like a girl

I have a cross in the middle of my chest

I went to the radiation center today. I was measured and marked today. I felt a little weird when a cute, tiny, blond early twenties comes and gets me. Ms Summers? Come with me and put this gown on. She had to fit me for the CT scan. I was thinking "I wonder what she thinking when she is looking at me." I still have some stitches. I am very insure about the double mastectomy still. When I got home to look at the markings I see a cross in the middle of my chest. I took it as a sign that God was with me. I know it must look scary because it still is for me but I am push and fighting on. Thank you for all of your support and praying. Love you dearly.

As for my news. You all know that the Army has transferred us to Charlotte. (if anyone is attending She Speaks remember to let me know) Well since we move so much we have always sold our home by our self. Of course it is different times but I was planning on sticking with it. I had an open house for Realtors. One of the realtors approach me and said she wanted to help me. I thought of course everyone wants to help me. Realtors are hungry so everyone wants to sell me house. She said again no I want to help you! I look at her and said do you know me? She said I talked to your husband and I know you have cancer. She said that I have been passing your house for weeks now and I know that I am suppose to do this. I wish I could do this for everyone but this is the place I need to be. I am looking at her. She said that I want to tell your house for $0. I will not make any commission and the owner will not charge you anything. She said we need to take care of you and sell your house and get you to Charlotte with your husband. So I was brought to tears. So last night she had a stager come and work on my house. It was weird seeing 5 people moving stuff around. Alexa was feeling bad and not too thrilled with what they were doing. Anyway God is good and I can not wait to see what happens.

In the next few weeks I am going to be Paying Forward, Passing on a blog award that was giving to me by Mimi and Cindy(sorry I am behind) and a few Give Aways:) So lets have some fun. Make sure you check back.

My babies come back tomorrow! Miss you Savannah and Madison.

Love Cindy
fighting like a girl

Back tomorrow for markings

I have no idea what is going on or what to expect?? I went to today thinking I was going to get marked but I was wrong. It seems they like to meet with you a few times to talk and examine you. So are they making sure this is what I want? Shoot yes! Lets get this party started. I found out some news though. They told me that I am not a candidate for implants. I was confused because my breast surgeon knew that is what I wanted from the beginning. I did not know about the other option until I met August and Gayla. So he was telling me if I wanted implants that I would have to go through another surgery and wait 4-6months for radiation because my skin would need to stretch. I guess after radiation your skin gets tight and it makes it hard to insert implants. So that was news to me. I have learned a little about having the fat or muscle moved from your tummy and reconstructing to your breast. I may not be saying it correctly? I thought that would put me a risk. I have heard that is wrong. Anyway he said if I did not get radiation it would compromise my therapy. So here I am??? Lord gave me the direction to say OK. So tomorrow I will proceed. Radiation should start the first week in March.

Yesterdays appt: Edie to answer your question. I can not have my blood pressure or shots in my left arm anymore. Nothing medical on that side. I do not have lymphedema in my left arm but I am high risk. So no hot tubs (my is forsale now) no hot showers. No weights or heavy arm swinging. Dont carry anything heavy. She said to get use to not carry my purse on that arm. No tight clothes. Since the lymph nodes filter the lymph fluid. It normally can regulate all of these things we normally do. In my case it cant so I have to care for my arm. I learned how to stretch so that I do not lose range of motion but of course not over do it which can cause lymph edema. The PT was great and very helpful. If anyone has advice feel free:)

I do want to tell you something that happened to me. God is taking care of me. I just want to make sure that I am not being taken advantage of first. Having cancer can make you vulnerable. So tomorrow I will share my story.

Pray for me tomorrow as I go back.

Cindy
fighting like a girl

PS-Nichole you were right I was not alone. As I sat in the room before anyone came in I was quietly praying and when I raised my head I look up at a black and white picture of a pair of hands reaching to the sky letting go of a beautiful blue butterfly. God was showing me that I was STRONG and that I can do this. So he is "cool like that"

Say a prayer

Todays PT appt was fine today. Lots of info to read and lots to learn. I have to learn how to care for myself. Living w/o lymph nodes on my left side. I am glad I went.

Tomorrow I am not sure what to expect. I think they are just going to mark me and get me ready. I am so nervous. This will be the first time that I will be going to the drs alone. Please pray for me. Lord protect me and keep me safe.

Savannah and Madison- I miss you

Cindy
fighting like a girl

Empty Nest

So this feels strange. Well I am not old enough to have an empty nest( it is just temporary) but Savannah and Madison left yesterday to stay with Mike's Dad until Friday. They are having a mini vacation. So I am missing them tons. Mike just pulled off a minute ago to head back to Charlotte. Today was a holiday for them. It was great to see him. The girls loved Valentines with him. He has always took the girls out on dates so they all got their time. Alexa is at school right now. It is just going to be the two of us. We are thinking of checking out a movie or two. I bet you can guess: Confessions of a Shopaholic and Fired up (cheerleading) I just need to see the rate and check them out first. So it will be a girls week around here. We have lots to catch up on. Seeing that she has a crush and they call each other bf/gf. It is the perfect time to chat. Yes Mike is about to die. His first born has a little more love to share other then him:) This leaves me with an empty nest during the days for the rest of the week.

I have an appt with the PT tomorrow. I am having problems with my arm and shoulder. I do not have full range and it is hurting something bad! Wednesday I will go to radiation. I believe I get marked and ready to go for the next week. I am getting nervous. So I am requesting all my Prayer warriors to give me a boost on Wed. Lord please continue to heal me and lead me to Victory.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of love
Cindy

Daddy's on the way

Daddy is the on way home for the weekend!

Giving Thanks

The girls are doing pretty good. Savannah has a touch of a cold so say a little prayer for her.

I wanted this post to thank some people. First I wanted to thank my Mom for everything. I know it has been tuff but having you during my chemo treatments and surgery was wonderful. I wanted to thank my sister for walking the race for a cure several months back. I wanted to thank all my friends and family for their donations. I wanted to thank my girls so much for their positive out look on everything. I am fighting for you! I want so bad to continue to have the awesome privilege of raising you. All three of you make me very proud. I wanted to thank my in-laws for coming to stay with me. I wanted thank my doctors for doing what you do best. I wanted to thank my friends for coming to visit and for all the cards and gifts. You dont know how much it means to get a card. I want to thank all my blog friends. The most Godly women I have ever met before. Each one of you mean a lot to me. The encouragement has pulled me through. The praying has been strong and I thank you. Keep praying when two or three pray together I feel He is with me. Mike thank you for working as hard as you do. Thank you for being positive when I am falling a part. Everyone has been doing their part. I thank you. Last but not least I want to thank GOD! Thank you for bring all these wonderful people in my life. I pray that you protect and bless them all. Sometime today please Praise Him for getting me this far. Please pray that I heal from the surgery and that radiation is effective. Please pray for complete response to all the therapy and allow me to live a life with purpose(Nichole:))


Sending love your way
Cindy
fighting like a girl

Leigh thanks for the card!
August thanks for listening and guiding me!

Mike is safe and girls are fine

This morning was OK. Mike made his way to Charlotte today. It was strange but everything went fine. I figured the girls would be fine the first few days. It seems to be the 3rd or 4th day when it affects them. Thanks for praying for me:)


So today is the first day that I have not been all bandaged up. I saw myself for the first time. It is a wow factor. I can not explain what it looks like. I think the long scar full of stitches is the most overwhelming. It is just another unbelievable experience that I for some reason am having to go through. Thank you for praying for me.

Tomorrow I have a lot of thanking that I would like to do. So it will be all about you.


Miss you Daddy:)
Cindy

Savannah's letter to Daddy

I will love and miss you forever and ever. Have a safe trip Bye P.S. see you in a week

I will miss you-Love you very much much much!

Dear Daddy,
i love you! I will always be your baby. Even though I am not a baby. I will love you forever and I will miss a lot. Hope you have a good trip. Text MG tell her you are using my phone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY and have a good party. Sorry I could not make it. Thanks! I love you very much Have a safe trip! P.S. I will clean up after the sloppy Joes and take care of mommy

Love your best daughter
Savannah

Last Day with Daddy:(

Not too much to blog about today. Mike is leaving for Charlotte tomorrow. The day has been gorgeous. Lots of family time:)


Wishing everyone a day of love
Cindy

Doctor appt

Yesterday's appt went fine. My drains can out and I was happy about this. Now all I have to do is heal from surgery and I can start radiation. I am scheduled to have 30 treatments. My prayer request is to be cancer free. I know they took the lymph nodes out and I had my breast removed(sounds weird) but the fact that the chemo did not kill the cells complete is very unsettling. I need and pray so much for this to work. Continue to pray hard for me.

Next appt is Feb 18 with the radiation. Mike is leaving on Monday. I have my house up for sale. Lots to lift up and pray about.

Praises: Primary cancer gone, successful surgery, lymph nodes removed

Thanks for remembering me always. If you need a bracelet let us know. It seems 2 did not make it again. NH and I think NY


Cindy

The new Savannah and Madison

You all know that I sensitive to hair. They have been begging to get their hair cut. So it was all them and exactly what they wanted.

Its late and your sleeping

Dear Cindy,
Its late and your sleeping and Im thinking about you BIG TIME!!!! Im SOOOO lucky to have found you and was able to start a life with you 18 years ago. You have been my best friend that has always been there for me and our girls no matter what! Im as confussed and concerned as you are now but have peace that you will be ok! You are doing so well with all the test/treatments/surgerys/Dr visits(each one with new news and twist). I couldnt be prouder of you! I know as you are thinking aboout the past and future, you are scared and it must be over whelming! I want you to know that I love,respect, and cherrish you for who you are and who you have been and what its taking you daily to fight off this awfull cancer! emotionaly I try to stay strong,focused and confident.. Sometimes I have taken the trash just to be able to breakdown by myself because I dont want to upset you anymore than you are inside already. I know and the girls know how much you love them! We love you too! Getting my things ready for Charlotte has not been easy, it has just helped me stay busy. I feel so sad yet encouraged for June to get here! We will never have to be seperated again after this final chapter in our Military service!(unless we decide to keep on after feb 2011....) That will be your call at that time! sometimes I have a hard time getting to emotional with you> I want you to be able to feed off my strength and me yours! IM CONFIDENT IN YOUR FIGHT!!!!! you are a good woman and a great friend, and mother and I look forward to growing old with you!!!! As far as your friends, and our families, I want to thank you for being there for us and motivating us and being a support channel. Even though I will be in Charlotte, your always on my mind and never futher than a 4 hr drive! I miss you when your sleeping and Im awake.

Love, Mike

Remember them here...Major changes:)

I will post later today how they look now.

More snow?

They say it may snow again? I wonder...I have been praying for a sign. A sign to let me know where, what or why? Something.

Since I blogged last it has been a few days of confusing and unclear feelings. I did talk to my Dr on Friday. She seem to not be surprised that I had 11 nodes positive. She said since the Dr missed it a year and half ago. She told me that I was not done until radiation and the medicine I have to take is complete. She said that the chemo did work but just did not give me a complete response. It is scary to know that it could be floating around or in the tissue were the lymph nodes were. I did want to make something clear. During my surgery the doctor removed my lymph nodes. I guess I may have not been clear. As far as the surgery I feeling much better. I go back on Thursday to get checked again. Please continue to pray for me by name. I need for this therapy to work. I need radiation to clean up and sterilize my tissue. Please pray for me to be cancer free. Tomorrow I will be going were I will be having radiation. I will be learning what to expect for my next journey.

Thanks so much for leaving me comments. I need to surround myself around Scriptures of healing. Thank you for praying. Praising God for the tumor being gone.

I am trying to stay focused.

Love Cindy
Nicki-thanks for lifting me up on the mountain:)