Sunday, September 28, 2008

Day 17- Feeling Blue but not feeling sick

I am feeling good over all. Last night I just got so emotional. It was terrible. I could not believe that how scared I was feeling. I was having all of these thoughts. I was not feeling right at all. I could not get the feeling of dying out of my mind. It was terrible and I felt so lost. I am not ready for all this. It was so overwhelming for me. I don't know what was wrong. I seemed to have been so lost. Where is my direction? How can I be so strong and then the next minute I am falling apart. I don't know it was like a roller coaster. I guess I am mentally tired. Why did I not feel in control? Sorry for losing my strength. Why was I not leaning on God? Where was he?

Today Monia and Mike made me organic whole wheat blueberry pancakes and hard boiled eggs. It was a nice treat. I also got another hair cut. I am down to few days of hair. It is weird but the medicine is in my body. So 2 weeks to the day my hair is falling. I am a happy hat wearer. I am not much for the thinner hair. It is way different look for me. I think I might bring out the wigs this week:)

Last week until it is time to go for this again. Thanks again for every ones help, support and continuing prayers.

Pray for a sign


The Camp Family said...

Stay strong Cindy! Lean on God, lean on your friends, lean on your family. You are doing an AMAZING job and we are all praying for you. LOVE YOU! *Mary

MiMi said...


I am so sorry to hear that you had such a rough, emotional night last night. I am sure that you are mentally tired and that contributed to your fear. You are such an inspiration to many people. The strength you have shown is incredible.

I am glad that you are a happy hat wearer because you look so cute in a hat! I am praying that you will have a great week!

May you find comfort in these words from Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message) :

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

Believing for blessings!

The Patterson 5 said...

When you feel weak God is there. I will continue to pray that you feel his presense and support every millisecond of the day. He is there with you-- He promised and He keeps His promises.

Hearing you talk about your hair reminds me of my mom. Hers came out after her first chemo treatment and she also felt it was a weird look for her. Myself and my kids thought she was beautiful. My oldest son, aged four at the time said, Grammie we love you, not your hair." Melted her heart and mine.

My mom used wigs and hats. My middle child who was the youngest then, thought all women "put their hair on" in the morning. He would say to me, "Mommy, you put your hair on!" He was two when we journeyed this road with my mom.

One afternoon my mom went out to walk for her health and it was a hot day. She forgot to put her hair on and well when she discovered it she cackled out loud as she thought I bet I just scared all of my neighbors!

My mom is well and cancer free for the past four years. Her mother's sister fought breast cancer for twenty years and was able to see her first great grandchild. It was a hard battle but Aunt Grace enjoyed every drop of life she was given.

I am praying for you and I've asked my mom to pray as well. Keep fighting! Run this race with all you've got! Know that God is by your side with each stride!

Cindy said...

I think it would be strange if you didn't have a difficult day or two emotionally. You are not only going through a trial but your body is full of toxins.

You are strong, God IS with you.

I and so many others are continuing to hold you up in prayer.

Blessings, Cindy

Anonymous said...

Gods shoulders are huge, so lay it out, cry, get angry go through the emotions you need to, because He will never leave you or forsake you...He could never love you any less, you truly are his. May you be comforted knowing we all are feeling these same thoughts, that is the great part of sharing your journey with us, WE ALL HEAR YOU and are praying for you.
Love, Hugs and Prayers

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Oh Cindy,

I think you wouldn't be normal if these thoughts didn't occur for you. I am so sorry that you are even having to go through this. You are a very strong woman and I KNOW you will beat this. You are doing a great job and your strength shows through your heart. I love you and rest in His arms today.

I lit three candles the other night and prayed for you , Faith HOPE and Love to overcome you with strength during this time.

On Purpose said...

Oh Sweet and Beautiful Child of God you NEED to go through all your emotions...God designed them! And you NEED TO take them right to Him and ask for His comfort, peace and love to ride you through.

Cindy you and your families openess and obedience to let God work through you has forever changed my life. You are allowing God to change people through you!

Knowing He is there holding you!